To Find Ourselves in the Streets
To me, a camera has come to mean self-expression, and in a magnitude that I never expected nor knew that I needed.
What I’ve come to find is that pointing the camera in the direction of others is, in all reality, akin to turning the lens back inward toward myself. Who I see in the streets is myself. And, through the briefest of moments and snapshots of the people and landscapes around me, I am in part telling the story of my own journeys in life.
So much of this life of mine has been spent operating in the properest of places. The always-be-at-the-top-of-your-game environment where both your literal and digitial personas, alike, must be prim and trim and polished at all times.
“We” not me; pleasantries and platitudes; soft and agreeable language; the veneer and visage of “buttoned-up”; professionally and personally well put-together. However, this belies so much that has occurred behind the scenes of my life. Peel back the curtain of years gone by and you will find the off-script tale of a person who has endured struggle and hardship. And quite honestly, has barely survived.
That is not to say that I don’t have myself put together, or that there has been any inauthenticity in how I’ve presented myself to others. But, the fact is, there just isn’t much room for anything but “proper” when you are trying to support others and set a strong example, all the while attempting to climb the proverbial ladder. So, the result is somebody who goes about their days in the midst of their own personal, inner-battle, fighting with themselves just to be themselves for others.
I have found it difficult to share in words (verbal or written) all that I have been through without the fear of opening myself up too much. That is why I am even sure to note right now just how great of a place I am in (and have been for years) at this point. But, the journey to this point – well, it isn’t the easiest to talk about, which is exactly why photography comes in: I have found that the camera has proven to be an incredible medium to express myself and share my story, albeit by photographing others.
The challenges of living with yourself when you can barely stand to look at yourself in the mirror. The anxiety that comes with feeling like an outcast in every room you walk into – even when you’re the only one in it. Detrimental coping mechanisms. There have been so many dark days.
However, so much growth and progress has been born of these hard times. Life may have seemingly burned down around me several times over, but from the fire and ash has risen something of fortitude – a slow rebirth of something resillient and – dare I say – beautiful. A career has bloomed; familial ties have grown stronger; self-disdain turned self-appreciation; balance restored, peace found and held onto.
But it is neither side of the story – the hardship nor the prosperity – that independently means the most to me, describes my journey, or does justice to all that we, us as humans, experience in a lifetime. It’s both sides together, inseparably painted in varying shades of hapiness and sadness, love and loss, desparation and exhaltations. It is these experiences splattering the canvas of each of our lives that gives us each our own unique piece of humanity’s artistry: a life lived in full.
It’s this collision of the night and the light that we find in our days that inspires me to pick up the camera and search through the viewfinder for moments to share with others; an attempt to let you come to know both sides of my life, yes, but more importantly, to see and appreciate both sides of all of our lives, really. A collection of photographic notes, dispatches, and stories exploring the line between ruin and growth, sadness and peace, struggle and beauty.
